13+ Things To Do For A Postpartum Mom (And What NOT To Do)
Before I became a mom, I had no idea what it would be like to be postpartum- not a single clue. While pregnant, I had my mind focused on one thing only: the birth.
Without that experience, I also had no idea how to support and love my newly mama friends who were in the thick of their postpartum period. Now, as a mama of 2 children and currently 6 weeks postpartum as I write this, I have much more wisdom in the area of caring for a postpartum mom. So, let’s get into it.
I know those cute little bundles of joy tend to be the star of the show, but when you come to visit, remember that mama could really use your love and support! This is why I am so excited and passionate about sharing these tips with you!
Just Ask
For starters, it’s a good idea to simply ask her what she wants or needs. As you ask, offer her ideas of things you can do. The question of asking what is needed without suggestions is hard for new moms to answer, because at the moment, we don’t always know what we want or need. We are so focused on caring for this newborn baby, that we haven’t stopped to think about ourselves. The moment that baby takes their first breath outside the womb, our needs get tossed to the back burner. That mama genuinely might not know what she needs or wants without getting suggestions.
Not to mention, nobody likes asking for help; people are not comfortable blatantly asking you to do their dishes, make them food, or change a dirty diaper. She will be much more comfortable saying yes to a chore you offered, than specifically telling you what to do. Over and over, I have been guilty of people asking me, “Is there anything I can do for you?” And replying with “No, I’m okay.” Even though I would’ve LOVED for them to have done my dishes or grabbed me a snack from the cupboard.
So, not only do you need to ask the question, you need to give her ideas of what you are willing to do for her. Try not to go overboard with this; if you list off 8 things you could do for her right then and there, most likely she will feel overwhelmed, turn down the offer and not ask for anything.
Your main goal when visiting your postpartum friend/wife/partner, is to support her in any way you can, and in whatever way she needs. So, use plenty of tact in how you phrase questions and talk to her to optimize yourself while you are available to her.
Listen
Step into her shoes for a moment. Her body went through the traumatic and beautiful process of building and birthing a 7lb person. This new person does not allow for proper sleep. If breastfeeding, this little human is sucking all the vitamins out of mama that they can via breast milk. It probably hurts for mama to move, use the bathroom, or even sit. She’s already changed 4 poopy diapers that day with more to come. The cries of her precious newborn hurt her soul to hear. She’s spending all her time with this needy helpless human that can’t talk. So when she finally has the chance to meet face to face with a competent, talking adult human, let her talk.
Let her complain, let her babble, let her speak without interruptions. With that, however, she is probably very tired. So, if she doesn’t have things to say, fill those gaps. We’ll touch more on that later. However, if she IS chatty, listen and engage with her. You get the honor of providing her with amazing loving company and filling her social battery need. She is so lucky to have someone like you in her life.
Things You Can Do for a Postpartum Mama
From Afar
Sometimes getting together is not always possible; and sometimes, it’s just not preferred! However, there are still so many things you can do to support and love on that new mama from wherever you are! Here are some of the BEST ideas to support your mama friend from afar!
1.) Have Food Delivered to Her Family
It’s important to ask for permission first, in case they already have food plans. It might be a good idea to contact her partner about this, since she is most likely getting plenty of messages already. Make sure it’s enough for the whole family and something they would enjoy. Be sure to pay ahead of time so they don’t have to worry about it when the food arrives.
*Bonus: Some places can also deliver COFFEE ☕️
2.) TEXT Her With Encouraging Words or to Check-In
This lets her know you are thinking of her; it will lift her up, and it doesn’t require an in-person visit. Emphasis on “text,” because calling can be inconvenient. If you want to call, text to ask when a good time would be for that.
3.) Send a Card or Letter Via Mail
Even better than a text, this gives you a way to check in, give your words of encouragement and love, while also relieving the pressure of her having to respond quickly. Not only that, but in such a digital age, it is so exciting to receive something sweet in the mail that is not a hospital bill, advertisements, or insurance statements.
4.) Send Money or Gift Cards
Whether it’s through Venmo, PayPal, or good old fashioned snail mail, sending her money or gift cards are not only a great pick-me-up, but they are SO practical! Some great gift cards options include:
- Gas
- Grocery
- Her Favorite Clothing Store
- Nearby Coffee Shop
- Food Places (Preferably ones that deliver)
5.) Send Gifts
There are so many directions this can go! Thanks to shipping and online shopping, you can have almost anything delivered to this new mama at the tap of a finger! Some great gifts are:
- Postpartum Bath salts
- Snacks
- Coffee or Tea
- Body oil
- Vitamins
- Dry Shampoo
- Candle
- Custom wine tumbler
- Wine or other choice alcohol (If she drinks- she can drink again!)
- Stainless steel water bottle
Gifts are not limited to the mama; it is also a gift to buy things for the baby, such as diapers and wipes!
*Pro Tip: If she had a registry for a baby shower, she most likely has not closed it. Check it out to see if there are any items left unpurchased that they still want for the baby!
6.) Pray For Her (And Let Her Know)
Prayer is powerful, because our God is powerful. Praying for peace, strength and healing during this time is one of the best things you can do for a new mama. Heaven knows the new mamas need some extra grace.
Don’t just wish her well or say things like “I will pray for you” or “I will keep you in my prayers.” That sounds nice, but it’s not necessarily encouraging, because we all know when people say that, there is a low chance of it actually happening. Telling her you DID pray for her will be something that encourages her.
In Person
First and foremost, before you visit a mama in person, make sure you contact her, so she is aware of your coming. Communication is key! Be clear on your arrival time, and if you planned it weeks before, give her a heads up the day before and when you are on your way! This gives her time to be mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared for company! (As well as being fully dressed!)
Not only do you need to pre-plan when you are coming, ask ahead of time when a good time to leave would be; and respect it! There is nothing worse than a guest overstaying their welcome. Especially for a new mama whose capacity for company may be extra low in this season.
With that word out of the way, let’s get into some tangible things you can (and should) do for your postpartum mama friend while visiting in person!
1.) Fill Her Water Bottle
No need to ask, just do it. Especially if she is breastfeeding, she will be thirsty. Not only is it one less thing for her to do, it encourages her to drink more and stay hydrated. It’s one of those “little-big” things that show her you care.
2.) Offer to Do a Chore
Ask with tact; you don’t want to make her feel like her house is messy (even if it is). Remember with this one to offer a few chores you are willing to do. Like I said earlier, mamas will be much more apt to pick a chore you suggested than to just tell you something they want done. Some examples include:
- Dishes
- Laundry
- Sweep
- Vacuum
- Wipe down table/counters
- Organize toys/counter/closet/entry/etc
You know your friend/wife best, but oftentimes people don’t like you to start doing some sort of cleaning without permission. It will make them feel awkward or they may simply prefer to do it themselves. I’ve heard laundry is something a lot of postpartum mamas want help with, but I personally wouldn’t want someone doing my family’s dirty laundry. So, be sure to ask, be willing, and be considerate. Postpartum is a delicate and hormonal time already without the guilt or shame of having a messy house.
3.) Offer to Watch the Kids
While you are there, offer to watch her children. She might want to keep the newborn with her, but offering to watch the older kids (and the newborn if she chooses) allows her to take a moment to breathe and do something she’s been meaning to do- whatever that is for her. Those things may be a:
- Bath
- Nap
- Chore
- Uninterrupted time to talk with her partner, scroll on her phone, read a book, or any other hobby
You may think she feels alone, and that may be true. But at the same time, she is now NEVER alone. Now, there is (at least) one tiny human always with her, and sometimes she just needs a minute to breathe.
4.) Bring Food
One of the biggest blessings for a new mom is to not have to worry about dinner. Ask the family for some preferences, allergies, etc. beforehand. Whether it’s take out, pizza or a homemade hot dish, she will be more than grateful!
If you aren’t coming around meal time, bring an easy frozen meal she can pop in the oven! *Bonus points if it’s a nutritious and well balanced meal. If you come in the morning, might as well bring a coffee, too, while you’re at it. Lord knows she needs the caffeine. If you know her Caribou drink, don’t be shy to swing by the drive thru on your way over.
5.) Provide Good Company
When I say provide good company, I mean be a good guest. This lady just gave birth; she is exhausted and her mind might be a complete blur. I know for the first couple weeks after birth, I was not chatty, at all. Keeping and coming up with conversation was not easy. So if she isn’t feeling real talkative, it’s your job to be the conversation leader. Don’t make her feel uncomfortable with awkward silence if she doesn’t have the current mental and emotional capacity to fill it. Find stuff to talk about and make your presence be light, comforting and enjoyable.
She will be grateful to be spending time with you, and be able to enjoy it more if she doesn’t feel obligated to fill the gaps. Another aspect of being good company is to be your own host. Bring your own drink or get your own water. Don’t make her get up and cater to you.
6.) Bring Snacks
Need I say more? Snacks that are yummy, nutritious and high in protein are best! Some great ideas include
- Cliff Bars (Or other granola/protein bars)
- Peanut Butter Protein Balls
- Pretzels
- Apple Chips
- Protein Shakes
- Fruit Leather
- Cream Cheese and Pickle Pinwheels
- Yogurt Bites
- Meat Sticks
- Veggie Chips
- Chocolate Covered Strawberries
- Popcorn
- Cheese and Crackers
- Oatmeal Cookies
Or whatever snacks you know she loves! I think snacks are its own love language. I remember when I was breastfeeding my oldest I was hungry all the time- even in the middle of the night! The most underrated gift I received during that time was a box of Cliff bars from my sister in law that I stashed beside my bed for those 3am feedings (for me and my son!) I will never forget the thoughtfulness of that gift and the relief it brought me to have something quick that I could keep right on my nightstand. Thanks, Hannah! ❤️
7.) Maker Her Other Children Feel Special
A new member to the family is an exciting transition, but sometimes hard for siblings to accept. It is a blessing to a new mama to see people acknowledge and love their older children just as much as the new baby. Especially now, as she is spending most of her time tending to the high demands of the newborn. The siblings are often pushed to the side as this new baby requires so much of mom’s attention.
There are so many easy and great ways to help the other kids feel seen. Just to name a few:
- Greet and/or compliment the older children BEFORE you move on to meeting the newborn
- Bring them a new toy/movie/game
- Play with them
- Make small conversation with them about something exciting in their life other than the new sibling
The older children are still children needing love and attention. Mama will be so grateful to see people who are still valuing her other children and making them feel loved through this major change!
8.) Encourage Her
I don’t mean your average “You’re doing great, mama” or “You are a good mom.” Don’t get me wrong, that may be just what she needs to hear. But, if you want to truly make her feel encouraged, supported, and loved, you need to speak words specific to HER. You want to customize your compliments around her and who she is.
How do you do this? Think about her strengths or areas you see her putting in effort. Is she still trying hard to keep her house clean even with a new baby? Compliment her on her incredible ability to maintain the housework and the baby! Does she remain calm, even in the chaos of other children running around and dancing at her feet while she comforts her new baby? Say something about her gentle spirit, and how it fills the home with a sense of peace. Is she still making people laugh and being a good host despite being drained herself? Make a comment about her bright and positive energy! Maybe she is good at managing her friendships, or still cooking fantastic meals, etc. Even if all she is doing is keeping her baby alive, you can compliment on how well she is taking care of her baby and keeping herself healthy.
Everyone has something amazing about them- don’t be shy in pointing it out! Chances are, she needs the extra encouragement during this postpartum period!
9.) Pray Over Her
Nothing is more empowering than having someone put their arms around you and pray for you. I know this can take incredible courage, and may be outside of your comfort zone. But, this act is so powerful in how it affects mama- spiritually and emotionally. It doesn’t have to be long or wordy, it doesn’t have to be the perfect prayer. If God needed perfection from us to work wonders, no wonders would ever come to be.
Be bold, ask if you can pray over her. Speak over her with your heart and with a genuine love for her. If you don’t know where to start, here’s an example prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you so much for my friend (Mama’s Name). This baby you have blessed her with is such a gift. I pray for healing over her, as well as strength to continue loving and caring for baby (Baby’s Name) as she has been. God, may you fill her spirit with your love, comfort and peace through the long nights and draining days. Remind her that the joy of the Lord is her strength. Be with her as she enters into this new journey of motherhood. In Jesus name, Amen.
What NOT To DO
Now that we’ve gone over things you can do for mama, let’s address some things you absolutely should NOT do.
1.) Come Over Unannounced
Honestly, you shouldn’t really do this whether people are postpartum or not, but I want to emphasize this especially during this time after birth. Coming over unannounced will add so much unnecessary stress. She will probably feel unprepared, embarrassed, and flustered! No one likes being caught off guard. It’s not a fun experience. More than likely, it will not be a good time for anyone. Don’t be this person. Like I said before, communication is key.
2.) Start a Chore WITHOUT Permission
You might think you’re being helpful, but there is no faster way to make a woman feel more self-conscious and uncomfortable, than to start cleaning her house without getting permission. Without using words, it’s telling her that her house is so messy, you have to clean it for her.
Not only that, some people don’t want you to do their chores. Maybe there is a certain way she likes her dishes done or a specific way to fold the towels. (I can’t be the only one these apply to!) Either way, it’s good to ask, and if she insists on you not doing it- don’t do it.
Husbands: This does not apply to you. Clean the dang house, please. If you see a mess, take care of it. I’m telling you, this does not go unnoticed by her. However, even if it does, she just birthed your child- wiping down the table or picking up your dirty socks is the least you can do.
3.) Comment on Her Weight or Apperance
We know better. Whether she looks fit, skinny, heavy, saggy, like she was never pregnant or a hot flippin’ mess, it’s not necessary to comment on it. If you really can’t help yourself, “You look great!” is enough.
4.) Ignore Other Children
I know we’ve touched on this one already, but all the family members need love right now! Most likely, the other children are already feeling left out and unseen. Remember they are part of the family, too!
5.) Have High Expectations
The mom may not be her normal bubbly self. She might not be able to lead strong conversation. She might not seem fully engaged in what you’re saying. She might not be a great host or have snacks and drinks out. You might not get to hold the baby as much as you want to or at all. Don’t take any of these things personally. She is in survival mode for her and her baby. Go easy on her, and do both yourself and mama a favor by lowering your expectations.
At the end of the day, no matter how you choose to support this new mama, she will be grateful for the time and effort you put into her. She will not forget the people who have reached out to her during this special time in her life. You are making a difference and impacting her more than you know! So get out there and show that new mama some love! ❤️
I LOVE that you are here finding ways to support this postpartum mom!
I have to take a minute to give YOU a shoutout for being such an amazing person! The fact that you are here reading up on how to love this mama speaks volumes about who you are.
She is so lucky to have you in her life! Thank you for being a wonderful and loving human being. I hope you found some amazing tips that you can use to love on her during this beautiful and delicate time.
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Of course, I can’t do a postpartum post without adding a couple hospital pictures of me holding my babies just after birth! Postpartum is not flattering, but it is overwhelming with love and joy. Here is me with my first born boy, and second is my most recent baby girl!
Love the whole blog post! Pictures at the end are adorable ❤️