Do The Dishes
If you are facing a difficult task, don’t put it off. If you do- it will just keep tormenting you. – Joyce Meyer
If you read my most recent post, “Shooting Stars,” you know this past year has been rough. I needed rest. I needed help. I needed a break. But, I also needed to pay a contractor, do laundry, deal with my depression, take a shower, build a house, plan some women’s group events, feed the kids, call the county inspector, and worst of all: do the dishes
How could a pile of dishes be so painfully daunting? The amount of repulsion and resistance that overwhelmed my body over a pile of dishes was unworldly. I would occasionally have an out-of-body experience looking into myself and thinking how utterly ridiculous and foolish it is to be filled with such dread over dishes. It reminded me of a child who throws a 20 minute tantrum over being told to pick up two toys. I had felt the emotions of a child’s tantrum within me as my body and soul ached for rest.
Context
I am not a procrastinator. I was the child who finished essays the night they are assigned and completed math homework on the bus ride home from school. If you ask me if I have seen your missing hat and tell me to keep an eye out for it, I will drop everything that instant to search the house to find it. Why? So, I can release that weight from my mind immediately.
Here’s what I mean: In this example, it requires very little effort to stop for a moment to spend the next 5-10 minutes searching for a hat. Yet, the bigger things in life are just the same. what is the alternative of you not looking for the hat? The thought stays relevant in your mind, even if it’s the back of your head. You let that thought take up mental space until you can get to looking for it- if ever. Every time you allow that “thing” to sit in your mind without doing it, you add weight.
The Weights
I want you to picture yourself carrying physical weights such as dumbbells, rocks, etc. That is the picture we are going to use to compare our mental weight with.
The hat example might feel like adding a 3lb weight, whereas buying your niece her birthday gift is a 10lb weight, and paying off the credit card is a 150lb weight. Now a 3lb-10lb weight isn’t much to carry. In fact, if you can imagine, it feels pretty light. However, the longer you hold onto that weight, the heavier it gets. Have you ever tried holding a milk jug straight in front of you? It’s easy for a moment, but after the first 15-20 seconds you’ll start to realize the weight seems to be compounding. Now, imagine, instead of dealing with the weight and setting the milk jug down, you add on a little more weight, and a little more…
You aren’t moving or doing any noticeable work with that milk jug. You’re not physically moving it to put it away or pouring yourself a glass. You are simply standing stagnant, holding out the jug. One could even argue that you are resting. But we both know, you can feel the weight.
The Point
When it comes to our thoughts and obligations, we often think pushing them off for later and letting them sit in the back of our minds, nagging at us, begging for movement or completion, or closure is somehow less work than dealing with them. How false and damaging that thought is.
The fact is, the more you leave unfinished in your mind, the more weight you put on and carry. Therefore, the more exhausted you become- even if you are not physically working to get that thing done. It’s why even the word, “procrastination” brings up a negative emotion inside of you. The result is exhaustion, even if you are procrastinating in the name of “rest.”
Stop
Stop that nonsense. I’m telling you, because I love you. I needed to hear this so long ago. I may not know the ins and outs of your life right now, but here’s what I do know: I know your overwhelmed, exhausted, too-busy heart. I know it longs for peace, rest, and freedom. I only know your heart well, because I know mine. I know when you sit down to rest, you are still carrying weight- a lot of it. Woman, friend, here me when I say this:
Rest is not rest when you are always carrying that kind of weight.
Now, I am not here to leave you hopeless, frustrated, and even more defeated so let’s manage the weight together. Here are your options:
1.) Drop The Weights
Not all responsibilities can be dropped, but I want you to really think about what you can set down and walk away from. Sometimes we carry weights for so long that we forget they are optional. We also tend to think that if we set them down, we will not be able to pick them back up. That is a big fat lie.
Do you need to plant a garden this year?
Do you need to sing on the worship team this week?
Do you need to attend the play date?
Do you need to clean the living room today?
Do you need to homeschool?
If there are things that are optional, that don’t interfere with your health, safety, and core values, then allow yourself to let some things go. This can be especially difficult with things you enjoy, that take a lot of work. I enjoy making sourdough bread, but comparatively, making sourdough bread is a lot of work when I can make regular bread or even pick up a loaf for $2 with my grocery run.
I enjoy hiking. Hiking with the kids can be a lot of work. It’s a weight I’ve set down for the summer. That doesn’t mean I’ve set it down forever, but for now, I’m letting go of the mental obligation I originally had in mind for our family at the beginning of the summer.
The key point here is I let myself be okay with setting it down. If I can’t “let it go” and wrestled with this in my mind, then setting it down may not be the best option. We are trying to relieve the weights, not add to it.
Reflect on what those things might be for you, and decide what weight you want to carry and what weights you can set down, even if you’re just setting them down for a season.
2.) Delegate The Weights
Not all weights can be dropped.
That’s life. Kids need to be fed. Laundry needs to be washed. Your spirit needs to be fed with the word of God. There’s no way around those. However, when you have to get things done, and you simply can’t do it all, decide what you can delegate.
Think about a handful of people in your life who would be capable of helping out. You probably have way more options than you think you do! Perhaps your husband can help with the post-dinner clean up. Maybe your mom can watch the kids so you can take a shower. Consider having your groceries delivered. Listen to the Bible via Spotify, Youtube, or other streaming service. If you can afford it, hire a monthly house cleaner. Start a routine of your children picking up all their toys before bed. See if your brother would be willing to weed whip or ask your sister to help pre-make some frozen slow cooker meals. I know I have a couple of friends who would be honored if I invited them over for coffee and to fold laundry.
Yes, delegating takes some bravery and vulnerablity. Our pride doesn’t like when we seemingly “admit” we can’t do it all or need some help. But, I need you to hear me loud and clear: The people who love you, want to help you. They want you to reach out when you could use a hand. Giving up your pride to ask for help allows them the opportunity to help. That right there may just be as big of a blessing for them as it is for you.
Think about it- how good do you feel when you get to help someone and are used for good in a time of need? You give them the opportunity to feel like a hero, while also giving yourself a breath of fresh air. It truly is a win-win. Remember: Asking for help ≠ failure. So when the weights can’t be dropped, delegate.
3.) Don't Pick Up More Weights
A little louder for the people-pleasers in the back: DON’T PICK UP MORE WEIGHTS.
To translate: say, “no” to extra responsibilities that you aren’t able (or willing) to handle right now. This point isn’t helpful in terms of “dealing” with the weights you have, but rather preventative. Picking up less weights to start with is helpful, because it allows you to focus on the tasks you have at hand without adding stress and inviting overwhelm into your life. Taking on less responsibilities allows you to do extraordinarily more with what you already have.
We weren’t created to stretch ourselves thin. When we have 100+ things to do, we are never fully capable of being completely present in the moment we are currently in. We might have our toes dipped into multiple fun things (or not so fun things), but living life fully present and alive in a few things is far better than living partially in everything. Who wants to live a half-hearted, non-present life? If you aren’t present in your everyday moments, you will live a whole lifetime just to realize you were never really there. That’s not really living.
Picking up less weights can be extremely tough, especially when the extra responsibilities sound fun, can increase your reputation, or sound like they will be rewarding in the long run. How you decide what responsibilities you do or don’t pick up is a personal choice, and a tough one at that. Before picking up another thing, consider the cost. How much time, money, or effort will this take from you? Is it truly necessary? Is there long-term benefit? What will you have to sacrifice or trade in exchange for this new responsibility? Can you do it wholeheartedly in a way you are proud of? If you are a christian, a great question to ask with anything is, “Is this life-giving, God-glorifying, kingdom work, or make me more like Christ?”
I’m not saying never add weights to your pile. Some weights I’ve picked up just this year include getting back to my blog, homeschooling, singing on the worship team, and keeping up with the dishes 😉. All things I’ve decided are worthwhile endeavors.
Consider the phrase, “Pick your battles,” and reword it to say, “Pick your weights.” With endless opportunities available and for the taking, more often than not, the wise choice is to not pick up the weights.
4.) Work Until The Weights Feel Light
When I worked my first job, at a take-and-bake pizza place, I thought it was a lot of work. I absolutely loved my job, but I genuinely thought, “this is what work feels like.” All I did was take an order, make a pizza, and clean. Nothing strenuous, and even the busy days weren’t all that stressful. However, when that was all my work experience, that was my new “hard work” threshold. Now, I have children, big girl bills, and just recently built a house. Now that is hard work. Being a highschooler working at a pizza place with no children or bills of my own is not hard work. Honestly, that sounds quite relaxing at this stage of life.
Here’s where I’m going with this, if you can pay attention to yourself, you can ride the line of hard work and notice when you are about to cross into overwhelm. When you do, step back. This is where growth happens. The first ever week of working out is hard. Curling 10lbs can be difficult when you are just starting. However, if you keep working out, you’ll be able to move up to 15 lbs, then 20lbs, then 30lbs! By the time you are working with 20-30lbs, that 10lbs you started with all of a sudden feels light.
The reason you need to be able to read and listen to your body is because too much weight (and too much weight for too long) will get you hurt at worst, severely burnt out at best. But a steady amount of moderate weights will get you strong. Probably even strong enough to add more weight later. When dropping the weights, delegation, or picking up less isn’t the answer: work until the weight feels light. Sometimes we just need to go through a period of growth and strengthening for a season.
5.) Deal With The Weights
At the end of the day, there are things that simply must be done, and must be done by you. The truth is, if you are carrying weights, it’s because you picked them up. Which means at some point, you decided they were worth picking up. There are very few, if any exceptions to this. It’s almost always a choice.
You can argue that you didn’t decide to pay the mortgage or fill your gas tank. However, you choose to buy a house, and you choose to drive a car while knowing the responsibilities those things involve. Whether you are conscious of the weights or not prior, they do become weights that you choose to pick up or not. If you don’t pay for the house, you lose it. If you don’t fill your car with gas, you can’t use it. So, in that way, you are also always welcome to “drop the weight.” (As practical or impractical as it may be)
Back to what I was saying, you picked up the weights for a reason, probably a real good reason, to0. You decided these things were worth your time. So, do them. Just take care of it, and be done.
The longer you wait, the heavier that weight is on your shoulders. This is similar to my last point, except my last point was more seasonal and about strengthening. Now, I am talking about individual responsibilities in your day that are one-and done. You can’t “one-and-done” motherhood. That is a weight that you carry and must carry on through a season. That’s a weight you can grow into and if you put in that work, it can get lighter (or heavier) through different seasons. In this point, I am talking about what you need to do today, that you can do, and must do right now.
I am talking about that electric bill you need to pay, the dentist appointment you’ve been needing to make for your child for 3 months now, the lawn you need to mow, the workout, the bible reading, and, of course, the dishes that are staring you down.
This is the very best advice I can give you: Get it done, now.
Literally right now, you don’t even have to finish reading the rest of this post if that’s what it takes.
Allow your heart and mind to rest by just getting the dang task done and out of the way. We don’t need to be holding onto that thing for even a moment longer! We don’t need to be sitting on our tushes or taking a bubble bath in the name of self-care when we are taking those heavy weights of undone responsibilities with us. Don’t bring that thing into the tub, onto the couch, or in the hammock. That is what we do, when we avoid just doing it. We let it sit in our hearts and minds until we finally make the move and release it.
Get face to face with it. Tackle it head on. Kick it in the butt right here, right now. Lock in, focus on one task at a time, and start crossing tasks off the list. That’s how you deal with that weight, make your load lighter and let yourself have some peace. Give yourself the satisfaction of accomplishment and the relief that accompanies completion. You are both capable and worthy of that. Sister to sister, I am telling you, the very best thing you can do when those dirty dishes that are looming over you, is to do them. That is the kind of freedom I want for you. No more living heavy with tasks that you can do something about. No more keeping ourselves stuck and avoiding the hard things. We are overcomers. We get things done.
Tip For The Terrible Tasks
Not all responsibilities need a pep talk to get them done. Some things you can truly enjoy. If your workout for the day is riding a bike and you love riding your bike, that makes it way easier to get it done. If you can learn to enjoy some of the seemingly terrible tasks and genuinely look forward to them, more power to you!
Seriously, I love finding ways to make horrible tasks more fun! We all could use a little more fun, laughter, and light in our lives! Right now, I really enjoy doing laundry, because I use my time folding laundry to listen to some of my favorite podcasts while I do it. If you have to have a hard conversation with someone, maybe do it at a coffee shop- it’s less likely to get out of hand and at the very least, you get a delicious coffee out of the deal. Whatever task that’s weighing on you, think about what you can do to make it a little less terrible.
I know some tasks are going to be awful no matter what, but if you can find a way to make a terrible task a little more enjoyable, you’ll be much more likely to fight it less and get it done.
What We Cannot Do
Here is what absolutely cannot be an option: leaving life unfinished. Slipping into laziness that leaves you more exhausted and burnt out with every moment that passes by. My kids sleep the best at night when they have played hard outside, picked up all their toys and ate healthy. They rest the best because they have lived the day to its fullest and have accomplished their tasks. We are just the same. We can fully rest at night when we have lived our days to the fullest and go to bed with our days and tasks thereof finished.
To Do
Now what?
First thing’s first. Make your list of things to do. Acknowledge the weights that are hanging over you and have a grip on your heart, mind, and body. For each task, figure out if you can drop it, delegate it, or do it. And then?
Knock that list right out of the freaking park like the bold, fierce, and resilient women you are!
I love me a full-send, go-hard attitude. Try to cultivate that same attitude towards your list. Approach it in the light and truth of you being capable, confident, and ready to live all-in with everything you do. I’m telling you, not only will you completely annihilate those weights, but you will also feel incredible, and significantly lighter. You’re worth that breath of fresh air, and a bubble bath without dumbbells on your shoulders. Stop waiting to do the things that are important to you, and seriously girlfriend, do the dishes.
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