Open The Door
For Connection
My husband, who is such an incredible man if I do say so myself, once explained to me that working on a project in the shop is just the door to connection. It’s not about the project.
What?! 🤯
My mind was blown. As someone who is not a man, doing an unnecessary mechanical project in the garage seemed like quite a ridiculous use of time. Let alone to invite another man (or his beautiful, yet busy wife) to help with this unnecessary project.
Who knew it would take me 4 years of marriage to understand why it’s so significant to my husband when I choose to sit with him while he replaces the springs on the four wheeler.
Communication = Connection
Obviously conversation is the most straightforward way to connect with people, but it’s hard to jump right into a deep conversation with someone right out the gate, especially with someone you don’t know very well yet. So what do we need to do to get there? Make time for each other, and do life activities with people.
To some of you guys this is obvious, basic knowledge. To some of us, including myself, this is something that I had to learn. We live in a time where we are caught up in our own busyness and think we can artificially satisfy our need for community through social media.
I’m calling it out.
I say this as someone who has been part of the generation to live and grow up on social media and fall into the trap of living a self-focused lifestyle. It’s no wonder so many people are struggling with loneliness and depression. We were made for community and yet we live solely for ourselves. As my husband says, the best thing in life is “to love and be loved, and die with a full (🙊) heart.” That can only happen through connection with people.
My Heart Struggle
As I have personally struggled with this, I have a bit of grace for people. We grew up on social media, it’s all we know. It’s easy, addictive, and we started it young. It’s now developed into our minds and has become a deep rooted way of function.
However, as grown adults, we have ✨ autonomy.✨ We must take responsibility and ownership of our lives, despite what we’ve come to accept as normal function. We know we need connection, and we know social media isn’t cutting it. Which means to continue down the same path is negligent to yourself and those around you. It’s foolish.
To be frank, I am angry. I am annoyed with people and myself saying we need more connection and profess how important community is, and then never step out of our own worlds to meet other people in theirs. The hypocrisy of it is embarrassing and sickening. I’m not saying my mindset on this is right, but this is my heart right now. My heart is frustrated and I long for change in my own life and the lives of others.
Comfort
It’s comfortable to maintain our routine, to not have to open ourselves up, to not have to pack the kids for a play date that we know will end up in tears and tantrums because … toddlers. It’s not always easy, but it is needed. The same way we need to workout, eat well, be diligent in our faith, and show up to our day-jobs. In the same way, we need to be connected to others to live a healthy, successful, fulfilling life.
Stop Saying, "No"
So here’s my *Hot Take* of the week:
It’s not acceptable to turn down invites.
I know that’s extreme. Maybe it’s the Spirit or maybe it’s just me, but if we were made for connection, for loving and being loved, how is it that we are so okay with turning down opportunities to invest in people’s lives and allow other people to invest in ours simply because we “don’t feel like it”?
Additionally, an invitation is an honor. Somebody thought of you, and wanted you there at their kids birthday party. Somebody thought of you, and wanted you to celebrate their new marriage with them at their wedding. Someone thought of you, and invited you over for coffee. Someone thought you were special enough to their lives that they asked specifically for you to be there with them.
And you (and I) have said, “No, you aren’t that important to me- my life is more important.”
We unfortunately have become very good at and accustomed to politely wording it to say “I’m so sorry, I can’t! I have a thing/I’m not feeling up for it. Maybe next time.” And we LOVE to end it with, “We should totally get together and do something soon, though! 😊” Just to never text that person any available times to get together. – Ugh, it pains me to write that, because I’m SO guilty of it. Let’s stop there:
I know this might be hard to read, it’s hard to write, but I remind myself that conviction is good. It’s good for the soul, because we can grow from there. Without conviction, there is no need to change- and no change may mean no connection. Where does no connection lead us? To the detriment of ourselves and the people around us. Let’s do better together. I write this with absolute love.
Bottom Line:
We need to stop saying “no” for the sake of our own comfort and laziness. Go to the coffee date, the funeral, or the birthday party. Go to the Bible study, the extra-curricular work meetings, and the game nights. If you’re in the boat where you are out there inviting people in for connection, and are being met with rejection and cancellations, don’t stop inviting. Don’t be discouraged. I really believe persistence will see its way through.
55+ Fun Activities to Do
For More Connection
1.) Hike
This one is a personal favorite for me. Not only do you get to enjoy some beautiful views, you are outside breathing fresh air, being active, and can easily chit-chat as you go. Hiking does not have to mean scaling up a mountain; you can simply look up a local nature park or public refuge to hike around there!
2.) Walk
Similar to hiking, walks are a great way to connect with people. It’s not so vigorous that you’re out of breath, but enough movement that the silence between thoughts doesn’t feel out of place. With walks, there are always new things to see, point out and talk about as you go!
3.) Coffee
Sometimes we want to hang out with someone, but aren’t ready to commit to a 5 hour get together. Coffee is the perfect opener to a new relationship, because you can make it go as long as you want or keep it short and sweet!
4.) Dinner
We all have to eat! I believe meals are such a sacred time. Food is needed for survival, and forces us to stop the hurry to sit and enjoy what is right in front of us. This makes sharing food an ideal way to bond with people. Sit. Eat. Talk. Love one another. It’s as simple as that!
5.) Tea Party
Hosting a tea party can be SO much fun! Start by dusting off the fine china your great great grandma passed down to you- trust me, she’d want you to use it 💛 Then, set it up with coffee, tea, sugar cubes, creamer, cookies, and some light tea parties snacks. (Pinterest will be your best friend for that!)
If you want to make it extra exciting, you and your girlfriends can dress up. This makes for a really sweet, light hearted get together, and is a unique way to change things up..
6.) Movie Night
Honestly, I’m not big into movies. They are entertaining, but you aren’t connecting much with the person next to you. However, movie nights at someone’s house often opens up the door for more conversations both before and after the movie. Movies also pave the way for an easy conversation topic with questions, thoughts, and opinions about how the story played out. Even in the little things, you get the opportunity to learn more about other people and their hearts.
7.) Themed Parties
I already mentioned a tea party, but there are so many other parties you can host for no apparent reason other than for fun! Here are just a few party themes to try:
- Hawaiian/Luau
- BBQ
- 80s/retro
- Wild West
- Color theme
- Ballroom/Elegant
- Ice Cream Bar
- Wine tasting
- Pajama party
- Country club
- Oktoberfest
- Wedding night
- Ugly Christmas sweater
- Fiesta
8.) Holidays
Everyone does a big Thanksgiving or Christmas, but what about getting together for St. Patrick’s day, April fools day, or Earth day? You can make any of those holidays a reason to get together! Celebrate Earth day by picking up garbage or planting trees! Celebrate St. Patrick’s day with chocolates and beer or gambling games with fake gold. Whatever you want, however you want; you can get creative with the “other” holidays.
9.) Bible Studies
Grow with each other and with God. I love Bible studies, because it allows a space to open up on a deep spiritual level with other people who are all there to support you in your walk with God. (And you, for them.) If you want to go deep, find a Bible study group within your church or start one.
It’s not as intimidating as you might think. There are so many options for guided studies via YouTube, Bible or study apps, spiritual book studies/guides, and more. You can also just get together to pray and/or worship or simply pick a book of the bible to read through together.
10.) Happy Hours
Cheap drinks, delicious appetizers, and the whole world to converse about! These are some of my favorite dates for learning more about someone else or just to have a light-hearted good time.
11.) Painting Parties
Gather a few girlfriends with some wine and snacks for a fun and wholesome evening. There are painting parties you can attend that are led by someone, or you all get a canvas and paint your own thing while chatting.
* Notice that I am using the term "party." I want to clarify that you can do any of these things with 1 or 2 people. It does not have to be a whole host of people to do these events or activities.
12.) Baking
This one is a hit or miss- sometimes more chaos in the kitchen is the very last thing I need. However, before I had children, I LOVED baking with a friend! (Especially since I am a terrible baker, so I got to enjoy sweet treats that actually turned out good😅)
13.) Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or Self Defense
Don’t knock this until you try it, learning jiu jitsu is SO much fun and can be practical in self-defense situations. Since it’s such a high contact sport, you’re able to connect with people in a way that is not typically experienced in everyday life. Not to mention the excitement and growth that happens while learning a new skill WITH someone.
14.) Bring the Kids to a Park (or Outside)
I find it hard to focus with my mom friends when the kids are going insane. The park has worked as a pretty good solution for that. Yes, I’m still chasing my toddler all over the park. However, there tends to be less meltdowns when they can run around in the fresh outside air. Less meltdowns = more focus in conversation with my fellow mama friends.
15.) Workout Class
I always feel fired up after a workout- in a good way. My husband and I always have better, more intentional conversations after doing a workout or driving home from our jiu jitsu class. If you can’t tell yet, I’m a huge fan of growth activities with people, whether it’s physical, spiritually, mental, or emotional. Learning and growing with somebody forms a connection unlike any other.
16.) Bonfires
Some of the most deep and honest conversations I’ve had with friends have been around a bonfire. This is one of my favorite summertime activities for getting to know people in a chill, relaxed environment. As the host, you generally create the environment you’re going for. Lighthearted or deep, intentional or relaxed, etc. All those things are wonderful to experience with other people.
17.) Potluck
I love friends and I love food! Bring it all together with a potluck! We’ve also done appetizer nights with our friends where all of us bring a snacky food to share rather than host a meal.
18.) Game Night
Games are a really great gateway to connecting more with other people. Especially if you are still in the awkward getting-to-know-you phase, because it provides you with something to focus on when conversation runs dry. This makes it more comfortable to stop and start conversations when there is a delay in what to say or talk about next. Also, games are just really fun! If you aren’t one for games, you probably just haven’t found one (or a few) that match your style! There is such a variety from strategy, connection/questions, simple games to pass time, and physical games!
19.) Worship
How sacred it is to come together to worship and celebrate God’s glory. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Maybe you put YouTube up on the TV and sing along to some worship songs. Maybe your friends love to sing and can lead together without background music. It can look like someone busting out their guitar or playing piano while you pray together.
Worship can be dancing.
Worship can be prayer.
Worship can be talking about how good God has been and what He is doing in our lives.
Worship can be sharing scriptures or declaring God’s word over one another. Worship can be coming together to bless a new mom with freezer meals or helping an elder with housework they aren’t able to do on their own. Worship can be having a feast and celebrating with adult drinks. (Yes- I did just say that.) Worship can be so many things. Our worship does not have to be limited to singing songs from 100 year old hymnal book on Sunday mornings. Nothing brings people together like growing closer together in our Lord Jesus Christ and celebrating His abounding love.
20.) Karaoke
As much as I love to sing, I’ve never been bold enough for karaoke. However, I think this would be a really exciting reason to get some gals together for a night out!
21.) Sports
Whether you watch a team together via a stadium or TV or gather a team to physically play, sports can be a reason to get people together.
If you are interested in playing a sport, do some research! I didn’t realize how many opportunities there are to play sports until recently. Many churches have softball teams. Some local bars in my area host beach volleyball. If cross country is your jam, there are plenty of mud runs, color runs, 5ks, 10ks, and marathons that are hosted during the warmer months!
With a couple friends, you can go to a park with a tennis and/or basketball court. Many communities have ice rinks you can skate or play hockey on. Gyms and hotels offer open swim days for a small fee. Your area may have a golf course and frisbee golf courses. You can also look at what your community has to offer for community ed sports! In short, there are a lot more opportunities out there than you may think!
22.) Life Events
We were made to go through life together; in the celebrating and the morning. Some life events to get together for include:
- Birthdays
- Funerals
- Gender reveal parties
- Promotion/Raises/Job Change
- Graduations
- Weddings
- Baby showers
- Bridal showers
- Retirement parties
- House warming parties
- Adoptions
22.) Homeschool Together
Homeschooling has grown exponentially in popularity within the past few years. If you homeschool, you’re bound to have co-op groups or other moms in your area who love homeschooling, and would love to come together on some subjects!
23.) Adult Coloring Night
You’ve seen those adult coloring books! Pick up a couple along with coloring utensils, snacks, and drinks for a calming date with your girlfriends. You can create a gentle atmosphere with soft music or ocean sounds, candles, and open yourselves up for some heart to heart conversations as you express your inner creativity that you all haven’t done since having children 😅 (I also think this would be a really impactful date with your older daughters)
24.) Shooting (Guns or Archery)
Obviously, it’s hard to talk while shooting a firearm or launching an arrow- but again, these activities are just means for conversation. Sometimes you just need a day to practice safety drills and hunting accuracy with your bestie.
26.) Axe Throwing
I’ll be honest, I’ve never done this. However, I’ve heard this can be exhilarating. Just for fun, or to exert some pent up energy, this would definitely be a memorable activity that will leave you and your lady friends closer than you were before you got there.
27.) Museums
I did not appreciate museums the way I do now as an adult. Museums offer so much to learn and discover, which can lead to a plethora of discussions and conversations.
28.) Visit a Zoo
I am definitely speaking to the mamas with this one, because while you stroll your kids around in a wagon, you can chat alongside your other mom friend. Whether or not you are as excited about all the animals as your young children, you get the opportunity to explore a new environment that is fun and educational for the kids, and a break from everyday life with your mama friend beside you.
29.) Book Clubs
Book clubs and book studies make for such interesting conversations! They also hold you accountable for actually taking some time to grow your mind through reading.
30.) Dance Class
I am not an impressive dancer, but I LOVE to dance! I can’t be the only one. At some point in my life I subconsciously grew to believe that I’m too old and mature to be dancing; what a load of garbage! It’s so much fun! Throw a dance party with some friends, learn a TikTok dance, or take your skills to another level by joining a dance class! Here are just a few kinds of dancing you can learn:
- Modern/contemporary
- Salsa
- Swing Dance
- Ballet
- Tap
- Jazz
- Ballroom
- Line Dance
- Breakdance
31.) Concerts
I know; concerts are loud, crowded, and very difficult to have a conversation at. I get that. However, I went to a concert at a very small venue that was packed with people who were all there to listen and enjoy the music of one artist. We all stood shoulder to shoulder in this hot little room listening to live music- TOGETHER.
We were all in it for one common goal, and despite being strangers, I never felt more connected to such a large group of people at once. Our voices rose together with the artist and musicians. I felt so close, so connected, and so alive with everyone there even though I never spoke to any one of them. It was an incredibly powerful experience that I will never forget.
32.) Volunteer Work
You can volunteer to do almost anything. If what you are good at and want to do doesn’t exist at a corporate level, offer your service personally. If you can’t participate in a Feed my Starving Children event, maybe you just make a meal for your neighbor. Sometimes changing the world starts with our neighbor across the street when we aren’t able to reach our neighbors across the globe.
You can volunteer at a local pantry, nursing home, pick up garbage in town, tend to a community garden, or rake up leaves. There are an abundance of ways to volunteer! If you and your friends want to get together and do something, look up what might be happening or who may need help in your town!
33.) Manicures + Pedicures
At home or at a salon, this can be a chance to chit chat while dazzling up your nails!
34.) Spa Date
Go out or do some spa day DIY right in your home complete with:
- Face Masks
- Bath bombs
- Bath salts
- Tallow balm
- Foot soaks + lotion
- Dim lights
- Candles
- Soft music
- Mani/pedis
- Massages
- Bubbly Drinks
- Diffuser
- Hair mask
35.) Crafts
A beautiful thing about being human is our creative nature. We love to explore, learn, create and build. I believe creating in some way is a psychological need we have to express in order to truly thrive whether it’s through writing/journaling, building a business, scrapbooking, welding, painting, or crafts! Here are some crafty things you can make with your girlfriends:
- Candles
- Wreathes
- Bouquets
- Paintings
- Sewing/knitting projects
- Jewelry making
- Pottery
- Book marks
- Coasters
- Centerpieces
- Woven wall decor
- Embroidery
- Wood burning
- Perfume rollers
- Cake/Cookie decorating
36.) Clean Each Other's Houses
This may take some vulnerability, but with love and teamwork, us mamas can turn a chore into a fun event as well as connect while helping each other along the way!
37.) Paddleboard, Canoe, or Kayak
However you like to float on water, this is such a peaceful way to spend time with your friends. The fresh air, baking sun, and your best friend all accompanied by the gentle sounds of the cool water beneath you is so healing and sets a prime environment to enjoy life with another person.
38.) Help Your Grandma
Every Tuesday some of my family comes together to help my grandma with whatever she plans for us. It started with helping her with one big project, and then it turned into a reason to get together. She is an incredible, capable woman who can (and would) do all her things on her own. Now, she finds things for us to do because we’ve all decided Tuesday would now be the day we go to grandmas to “help her.”
Truly, she is helping us by giving us a reason to get together. She comes up with random tasks such as baking Christmas cookies, sorting old toys, trimming raspberry bushes, canning food from her garden, and whatever else she can think up. This year her garden will be bigger, and all our hearts will be fuller, because she made the space and gave us a reason to get closer together.
39.) Beach Day
Although I think it’s important for moms to have time away with their girlfriends without their kids, it’s not realistic to rely on time away from the children in order to bond with people. This is why beach days are such a great way to get together with other mom friends! It’s a kid friendly activity that allows you to sit in the sand watching your children play while chatting with your mama friend who can also simultaneously watch her children.
The kids get to run out their energy, we get to connect and fill our social cups, all while being refreshed by sunshine and the great outdoors. It’s a win-win-win scenario.
40.) Photoshoot
You don’t have to be a professional to take decent photos. You can look up some iPhone photo tips or basic camera setting for nice pictures and treat each other to some updated portraits for that Facebook profile picture that’s been the same for the past 3 years.
You can also take turns getting each other some fresh family photos- every mama knows that’s a blessing in disguise. Especially since we rarely end up in photos with our families as we are generally the photographer.
41.) Puzzles
If you have some old-soul friends, this may just be the ideal activity to invite meaningful conversation.
42.) Escape Room
Escape rooms are a playful way to discover how you and your friends think, problem solve, and work together. Escape rooms can be very exciting and are bound to pull you and your friends closer together.
43.) Mini Golf
I am TERRIBLE at mini-golf, but honestly, that’s half the fun! Although mini golf is not my specialty, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life than while trying to play a game. I highly recommend finding a place near you to take your girlfriends out for a date.
44.) Smoking Party
*With a smoker, specifically. One used to make food. 😉
My husband’s smoked pulled pork is to die for! It’s SO good! We’ve also made smoked Mac and cheese, burgers, jerky, asparagus, green beans, etc in our smoker. If you have or know someone who has a smoker, you should definitely consider a smoking party. Not only is it a great way to get together, you all get to enjoy some AMAZING food!
45.) Camping
I’ll admit, this one can be hard to pull together with schedules and kids. However, nothing helps you slow down and be fully present in the moment like camping. Away from distractions, tasks, and obligations, you can fully focus on what, and more importantly who, is right in front of you.
46.) Fishing
I don’t love fishing, but I love to go fishing. Touching worms to bait my hook, sitting for hours hoping something will bite, having to touch the slimy fish to get them off is not my idea of a great time. Especially considering I don’t even like the taste of fish!
Nonetheless, I LOVE going fishing! Other than watching your bobber float, there really isn’t much to do other than talk! Sometimes the conversation while fishing is relaxed and playful other times I have had real heart to heart and soul diving moments. Either way, I believe fishing is an incredible way to foster conversation.
47.) Make Vision Boards
A vision board is basically a collage board filled with words, phrases/verses, or pictures that represent what your goals are. The idea is you hang your vision board somewhere you will see it everyday to be reminded of your goals and motivated to achieve them.
Hosting a vision board party allows you to be inspired by your friends as well as learn what is really in their hearts about what they believe and what they want to get out of this one life we have. It also provides opportunity for accountability, encouragement, and perspective changes! If you don’t know where to start, there are some really amazing DIY vision board ideas out there! Pinterest may just be your best friend for this endeavor 😉
48.) Prayer Boards
Similar to a vision board, a prayer board is a collage of pictures, verses/words, and notes of things you are praying for. I love this idea because I think that we are quick to make goals related to health, finances, and relational circumstances such as having children or finding a spouse, but rarely give ourselves spiritual goals.
Some ideas to put on a prayer board include:
- Meditation verses
- Words of things you are seeking or desire in your life ex. wisdom, patience,
- Prayer requests
- Pictures of family or friends you want to be praying for
- Spiritual goals ex. Be in constant communication with God, to have a soft heart towards the Spirit’s leading, to share the gospel with someone, invite someone to church
- Sin you want to pray for deliverance from
- Picture of a Bible to remember to read each day
- Pictures of places/communities you are praying over
- Pictures/words of things you’re grateful for
- Answered prayers
You can make it whatever you want it to be. Doing this as a group or with one or two other people is a powerful way to grow deeper in your faith together, offer prayer for each other, and get to know what is deep in each other’s hearts.
49.) Trip to the Farmer's Market
Support the locals while getting fresh produce and meats, as well as spend quality time with some girlfriends! This one is an all around good time.
50.) Slip 'n Slide with the Kids
I don’t believe in being too old for kids activities: coloring, sledding, swinging, or tearing up a slip ‘n slide! I am all about activities you can do WITH the kids. Families living alongside other families is a beautiful thing- let’s have fun doing it!
51.) Go to the Pool
Or the lake! (and if you live in the land of 10,000 lakes as I do, there’s no reason not to!) This summertime leisure activity is one of the best ways to cool off while enjoying the company of other people. Though a public pool might not be the place for the deepest of conversations, it’s a really great place to start getting to know someone!
52.) Charcuterie Board Party
If you can’t tell yet, I am a foodie.
Invite a few people over with each person bringing a charcuterie board to share! Everyone’s will be a little bit different and you can assign different themes to ensure a variety! For example having one for meat and cheese, nuts and fruits, veggies, and/or a dessert board! In my opinion, there is no right or wrong way to do these! Go as fancy or simple as you like, and make the night of it!
53.) Run/Walk Events
Most communities host Run/Walk events ranging from 5ks, mud or color runs, to obstacle courses! Training for and achieving a great feat such as these side by side with someone brings people together in a way that is unmatched. There is something incredible about overcoming yourself, pushing your limits, hitting walls and powering through them with someone else who is doing the same thing and cheering you on.
54.) Mini Vacations
If you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, but feel like you are relationally plateauing with them in deep and meaningful ways, a mini vacation together just might break that wall. With a weekend stay at an Airbnb or a night stay at a hotel, you have the opportunity to have a break from the everyday noise and relax. This allows you to be fully present, open up, and give 100% attention to the person or people you are with. This one can be hard to swing and definitely not an every other weekend endeavor, but it is an effective means to creating space for more intentional interaction and conversation.
55.) Visit a Garden
You might think this isn’t your cup of tea, but don’t knock it until you try it. Taking a stroll through a nearby flower garden is so refreshing. It’s also a way to alleviate anxiety about what to talk about with someone new, because you can always comment about the garden: how beautiful the flowers are, if either of you garden and if so, what kind of garden, and so on.
56.) Paintball or Laser Tag
Although I am a very lax person most of the time, paintball, Nerf fights, laser tag, Airsoft, and other games of that sort are thrilling! These can be fun for practicing self-defense and running through possible scenarios or for playing old childhood games like capture the flag, cops and robbers, etc.
Sometimes us adults lose the fire and excitement we had as children when we used to just play without any guilt, pressure, or obligation of doing something else that is “more productive.” Play is important for kids and adults- it’s productive for our mental, emotional, and physical health!
57.) Disc Golf
All you need is a disc, a buddy, and a disc golf course. Most communities have free disc golf courses offered at local parks. Do some research for some in your area. You don’t have to be good; you don’t even have to keep score. Just trying to throw the disc into the basket while walking the course is a really fun way to talk to someone and get outside on a beautiful day.
58.) Live Speaking Events
Women’s conferences, Ted Talks, motivational speakers, comedy shows or educational speakers are all possible events that would be fun to attend with a girlfriend! Personally, I believe it’s best to carpool so you can chat on the way up, and talk about the speaking event on the way back! Some of these events can be extremely moving and inspiring that pave the way to powerful and intimate conversations.
At the end of the Day,
You don’t really need a reason to get together. Wanting to enjoy (and/or endure) life together with other people is reason enough to make time for each other. No matter the “means” of getting together, make the most of it by being intentional with the people around you with love, gratitude and a state of being fully present. Love you all, and I hope to catch you on the next post!
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