How To Feel Better Immediately: Part 1

/ The Good Life / By

How to Feel Better Immediately

Part 1: Thoughts

Yes, it is possible.

     I believe that most of the time, you can feel any emotion at any given moment if you choose to. If you believe the principle that all your emotions and feelings are derived from your thoughts, then all you have to do to feel any certain emotion is to think thoughts that produce those feelings for you. 

Too Simple

     It is simple, but not always easy. There are times when it takes a lot of effort to truly think differently (and more positively) about a situation you’re in. Not only that, but sometimes you don’t actually want to feel, “better.” There are plenty of situations where you feel bad, and truly want to feel bad. Some of those times could be when a friend is hurting, a loved one has passed, or you’ve been wronged. 

 

     Being able to feel all the emotions and feelings available to us is a gift. Sometimes those harder feelings are actually helpful! Not to mention, if we always felt “good”, it would no longer feel good to us. 

What Are You Avoiding

     First thing’s first! Why are you trying to feel “better”? What is the current emotion you are feeling that you are trying to overcome? What feeling are you trying to get away from? I want you to know that it’s okay to feel it. If you needed permission to feel sad, angry, hurt- you have it. It’s good to feel it.

Stop Resisting

     Before moving on to some helpful thoughts that will help you feel better, consider allowing yourself to be engulfed in what you are currently experiencing rather than resisting it. Just pause, and breathe it in. Oftentimes, it’s our attempt to resist our negative emotions that hurts us much more than the negative emotion itself. I like to remember that emotions can’t hurt us. It won’t bite. That sadness, that fear, that anger or feeling of defeat can’t harm you, unless you let it. They are only feelings in the body- nothing less, nothing more.

Get to the Root

     This is also a great time to ask yourself why you’re experiencing it in the first place. What thought or belief are you holding onto that is causing you to feel this way? It’s so much easier to feel better when you can identify the root cause, aka the (typically negative) thought that is bringing on the emotion. Once you know what it is, challenge that thought and see where it takes you. At the very least, make an effort to discover it and understand why it’s there.

18+ Helpful Thoughts

To Feel Better Immediately

     That being said, any thought that is causing negative emotion can be replaced with a thought that can produce better and more positive emotions. The trick is catching hold of our negative thoughts as they happen, taking the time and effort that’s required to think of a better replacement, and allowing ourselves to genuinely believe it.

 

     I’ve made a short list of alternative thoughts that can act as replacements to common negative thoughts, and therefore change your feelings about your situation. You can pick one or two that you find useful to start with and gradually work your way to replacing more thoughts. However, if none of these feel good to you, try to think of some alternatives on your own that fit your specific situation. The options are truly limitless.

1.) It's Not Hard

     Life is hard. That can be true, however, what if we walked into that difficult task, job, conversation, or circumstance with this thought:  “It’s not hard. In fact, this is easy!” Sometimes I even follow it up with, “All I have to do is ___”.

 

     Set yourself up to have feelings of ease, motivation, and accomplishment before you even start. When you believe that what you are doing is not that hard, you can enter and be in the midst of your task with confidence that you are more than capable of completing the task or achieving your goal. I especially love applying this to my personal goals. How would you show up differently if you believed reaching your goals was not hard? 

 

     Maybe what you are doing is hard. Whether or not that is true, believing it is hard doesn’t serve us. When I believe something is hard, I walk into it with dread and a sense of failure before I even begin the task. It makes me feel like I won’t be able to do it or I won’t be able to do it well. My confidence is low, I doubt my ability, and therefore, I end up not performing the task as well as I could’ve if I walked in feeling like I was more than able to do the job.

2.) They are Doing their Best

     In other words, it’s giving other people the benefit of the doubt. This can also be used in the past tense: they did the best they could. When you feel annoyed or angry at someone’s bad attitude or stupid life choices, instead of thinking things like “ How could they be so rude?” or “They should know better!”, try thinking “That person is doing their very best.”

 

     Now, their best might not be very good. In fact, their best might be down-right terrible. Rather than get angry about that, you can have thoughts and feelings of genuine compassion. It really sucks that their best is so awful today. It must be miserable to live with such a bad attitude (or be so grumpy or rude or make such poor decisions, etc). 

 

     When we think about that behavior/mindset being their very best, we can have empathy for them rather than live life mad about what other people are doing. Not to give them pity, but to extend grace and relieve yourself of annoyance or anger. 

3.) We Have the Perfect Amount

     The perfect amount of love, friends, space, money, food, time, children, or whatever else it is that you can think of. What you have right now, is enough for you right now. Maybe you will get more, maybe you will have less, but right now you have everything you need, and it’s the perfect, given amount. 

 

     I know this is a very hard thought to believe or accept for a lot of people, myself included. However, when you can believe that what you have is enough, you can look around at your life with a heart full of gratitude and abundance. You get to look at what you have and be grateful for what it is and that it’s yours. I think that is much better than wishing for more or believing that what you have is not enough. 

 

     Another thought to partner with this is, “If I don’t have it now, it means I am not meant to have it at this time.” Similarly, what I do have now, is exactly what I am supposed to have right now.

 

     I don’t think there is anything wrong with desiring more blessings whether it be money, children, love, etc. However, this alternative thought lets us want from a place of abundance and gratefulness rather than a place of need, scarcity, or desperation.

4.) I Love that About Her (I'm Glad She...)

     Why do we get so jealous? Is it so hard to just be happy for other people? Sometimes, yes, it is hard when we see someone who has something that we think we lack: “better” body, better sense of humor, more exciting life, higher education, well behaved children, more money, higher position at work, you name it! 

 

     When we are jealous, we are making something about them mean something about us. Instead of seeing something good for them, we make it mean we don’t have something that we believe we should have. Rather than being jealous through comparison, try thinking “ I LOVE that she is so happy about her life! “ or “I’m glad she got that raise.” 

 

     We can be excited about other people’s good qualities, accomplishments and fortunes without feeling inadequate about ourselves. This thought might be helpful to pair with the previous thought that we have the perfect amount! When we believe we have the perfect amount of love/money/status/ etc., we aren’t so compelled to feel jealous, because we believe we are not lacking in those areas. 

 

     Jealousy has been a personal struggle of mine. It requires a lot of work and thoughtfulness to be able to step outside of myself and what I believe I deserve or want that other people have, and be 100% excited and happy about other people’s achievements/circumstances. We can do this. We can love other people and love that they are achieving, growing, and being blessed without being jealous or hurt if we are not in that season. 

5.) Nothing Stays the Same

     I love this thought. Whether good or bad, things always change, and to me that is so freeing. It means there is always hope for something new and exciting. It means we will never be stuck in one situation forever. 

 

     I am currently in the stage of life where I have 2 children ages 2 years and under. I am trying to potty train my oldest (this is about my 4th attempt), and I have to say, I don’t love it. I love my kids so much, and my husband is amazing, but anyone who has had young children can understand the strain of having such dependent beings that need so much of your time, energy, and attention. Let alone finding time for your spouse, friends, God, or yourself! I know there are ways to love where I am at right now, but knowing that this won’t stay the same forever is a relieving thought. 

 

     If you are in a grieving period, or amidst a struggle of some kind, don’t let yourself believe you are stuck with no way out. Nothing stays the same. You will grow, time will pass, and seasons will change. If you are in a mountain top moment in life, know that will change too, and that’s okay! Cherish your moment, love it with all your heart. Embrace that mountain top view! Life was made to change, and it’s truly a beautiful thing to experience so many unique phases of life.

6.) It is Supposed to be this Way

     I wrote a whole blog post on this because this thought has been a life-changer! We can believe that life circumstances should not have happened to us, but that thought keeps us as a victim to life. I think a better option is to think that what has happened in your life and what is happening now is just how it’s supposed to be. 

 

     You might be thinking, “ What?! So my marraige is supposed to be a mess?” Or “ Sure, I’m supposed to be broke?” Or “ Are you kidding me?! I should not have been abused.” I get it, but hear me out. You have 2 choices here, you can believe that you have been wronged by people or life’s circumstances. Therefore, you become the victim and you live in bitterness. The other option is you can believe what has happened and what is happening right now is supposed to happen, which leaves opportunity for growth, forgiveness, and puts you back in the driver seat of your life. 

 

     I could elaborate so much more on this here, but to keep things rolling you can check out my previous blog on this thought here:

How It's Supposed to Be

7.) I Love Them

     People can be rather annoying at times. This thought can be really difficult, especially when you feel you have been wronged by others. 

 

     In the long run, choosing to love people is actually easier than choosing to hate them. The amount of effort wasted into hating people is unbelievable. The amount of time we fester over the poor thoughts we have about people, the bad mood we put ourselves in just because we don’t like that person, the sinful situations we step into when we decide to gossip about them- all for what? The person we hate is not affected by our inner smoldering fire of rage we have against them. We are.

 

     When we choose to love people, we are also choosing to love ourselves, and most important to love God. We also get control of our lives back when we aren’t letting our distaste for people effect our thoughts, attitudes and actions. It’s so freeing to genuinely enter the world with a love of others despite their imperfections. 

 

     Who is that annoying person in your life that you can choose to love? Is it that annoying coworker, your sister, your neighbor, your mother-in-law, or that guy who cut you off in traffic? Try thinking and truly believing, “I love them.” I’m telling you, this one will rock your world for the better if you let it.

8.) I DO Know

     I have very recently started toying with this idea, and already I have been so blown away. Basically, instead of saying I don’t know, pretend you DO know. Or, ask yourself “ what would my answer be if I did know?”

 

     A lot of times we say I don’t know, we actually do know, and we either aren’t taking the time to think about it or we are avoiding the answer (because after we have the answer, generally that’s the time to take action). 

 

     In some cases, we really don’t know. I don’t know how to make blueberry bagels, but I know how I can find out! Thanks to google and hundreds of thousands of food bloggers, I can easily find a bomb blueberry bagel recipe that tells me exactly how to make them. 

 

     Just try this thought next time you want to say “I don’t know.” I think you will be surprised at how much you really do know. Give yourself a moment to think before going to that “I don’t know” default, and trust and believe in yourself to find the answer.

9.) I Can Figure It Out

     I touched on this one a little bit when I suggested the thought, “I DO know”, but I want to expand on this thought of “I can figure it out.” 

 

     We have the world at our fingertips with smartphones. Choosing to believe that we don’t know how to do something is a lie we tell ourselves to try to justify not taking action. We use it as an excuse to not achieve greater things or to avoid having to put in effort. In almost all situations when you genuinely don’t know something, you can figure it out. So if you genuinely don’t know, don’t stop at that thought. Follow it up with, I can figure it out!

10.) It Will Work Out, It Always Does

     Things might not work out how you want, but they always do work out somehow. I could’ve saved myself so much pain and agony if I had known this when I was younger. When you are young and in the midst of suffering, you feel like it will never end, and the current situation will never change or get better.

 

     Now, having more experience in life and having seen so many problems and situations play out, I can confidently enter into hard seasons knowing that I (or we) will find a way. We will find a way, because we always do. This thought brings so much peace to my life, and allows me to take steps forward in confidence to address the problem. 

 

     I think you’ll find the same for you. Next time you feel helpless, stuck or like your situation will never get better, remember that it will work out, it always does. It might not work out like you want; maybe your plan fails miserably, but there are always lessons to be learned and growth to happen, and that is the beauty of life. It will work itself out one way or another, it always does.

11.) I Can Do Hard Things

     Alternatively, I’ve also told myself “YES, YOU CAN.” Don’t believe the lie that you can’t. Don’t tell yourself that it’s too hard or not attainable. You are strong. You are smart. You are competent. You are capable.  Anything else you tell yourself is a lie.

 

     When you are mid-workout and want to tell yourself, “I can’t”, you hold your head up, puff up your chest and say “ Yes, I CAN.” 

 

     When your goals seem too big, too hard, too far out of reach- you get out the pen and paper, start writing the steps to achieve them and declare, “ I can do hard things”. Because you can.

 

     You can muster up courage to ask for a raise, you can land the job, you can learn to love your husband after years of resentment, you can conquer your toddlers potty training, you can forgive your perpetrator, you can become the person you aspire to be. I know you can, because you can do hard things. When you believe that for yourself, the whole world is up for grabs.

12.) I am NOT Too Busy

     We make time for what matters. We all have time, and we all fill it with something. Whether it’s filled with changing diapers, hiking mountains, watching TV, children’s activities, or coffee with friends, we can always consider it “busy”. 

 

     Rather than believing you are busy and allowing yourself to become overwhelmed with that thought, try telling yourself I am not too busy.

 

     I am not too busy for my friends, I’m not too busy to set time aside for me, etc. If you aren’t making time for things, it’s because you aren’t willing to prioritize it in your life or you simply don’t want to do it. I’ve caught myself saying I’m too busy to attend an event, but truthfully, I wasn’t too busy. I just didn’t want to go. It wasn’t high on my list of priorities.

 

     Life is what we make it. I have made a life that involves a husband, children, work, jiu jitsu, friendships, workouts, mealtimes with homemade food, etc. That does fill up space. Those things take time. However, I could replace them with other things if I chose to.

 

     I could put my kids up for adoption, divorce my husband, serve the family frozen pizzas, quit my job and jiujitsu, etc. I really could do that if I wanted to. I could make time for something else that I value more than those things. However, I do prioritize those things. I have time for those things, because they matter the most to me. The point is, we always have time for the things we prioritize the most. We are not too busy for other things; they simply aren’t a priority. 

 

If there is something you want to add to your life, find a way to include it or adjust your priorities. The average American spends nearly 2.5 hours on social media. That means the average American is prioritizing 2.5 hours of social media over other things they could be filling that time with. If that weren’t true, they wouldn’t be using their time that way.  Imagine what you could do with 2.5 more hours. 

 

     One of my best friends is working fulltime, has animals she cares for, is starting her own business, going to school and working on an apprenticeship. Recently, she’s decided she wants to learn Spanish. So- SHE IS. She made it a priority and takes time everyday to learn some Spanish. She is so inspiring, and acts as proof that being “too busy” is only an excuse. 

13.) People Like Me

     Unless they directly tell you that they do or don’t like you, we can only assume what people think about us. There are a couple problems with this. For one, it doesn’t matter what people think of us, because it’s none of our business what they choose to believe about us. Secondly, assuming people don’t like us never benefits us. In fact, people who believe others don’t like them, are typically correct. People aren’t excited to hang out with someone who is reserved, fake, or have a victim mentality. 

 

     Walking into a group, meeting, appointment, or any situation involving people is so much easier when you choose to believe that people generally like you. You can show up with confidence, more excitement, and come feeling like you can be yourself. When you are fully yourself, you bring so much more to the table than when you step into a situation with uncertainty, timidity, and insecurity. (Which generally leads to more people liking you, because people are drawn to authenticity.) 

 

     I really love this thought, because it makes life and interactions with people SO much more fun! I like to pretend that everyone is my best friend right off the bat. Obviously, there is wisdom in what you share as well as a place for professionalism. However, I think about how much fun and excitement I have with my closest friends. How exciting would life be if we believed everyone we meet was our friends, who genuinely do like us?

14.) I Can Totally Do This

     I also really like, “I am SO capable”. Challenge your thoughts of self doubt with the idea that you are more than able to do the task or meet this goal. We tend to be really great at finding potential roadblocks within ourselves or along our path to success. However, we aren’t as great at working around those roadblocks or believing that we are able to overcome them. 

 

     When we choose to think that we can, we do. I love adding the extra: I can totally do this, I got this in the bag! It instills that extra bump of confidence and ease going into whatever it may be. That confidence inspires us to problem solve, remain motivated, and overcome whatever may get in our way. Your goals? You got this! New position at work? No biggie! You’re about to attempt homeschooling? You are more than capable! 

 

     I highly recommend taking on this thought next time you get into a sticky situation or are presented with a difficult task. It shifts your mindset from I don’t think I can, to I am able- and I will!

15.) This Will Make Me Better at ___

     You fill in the blank. Rather than complaining about this dreaded thing you have to do, figure out what it will make you better at. Let yourself be excited to get better at it! 

 

     I’m going to take over leading a women’s study group. This will make me better at preparing and presenting. What responsibilities do you have or need to take on that require some extra thought work from you? What can you get excited about getting better at?

 

     That sounds great and lighthearted, but sometimes this thought is most needed in the heavy seasons. Maybe where you are at, this struggle is making you better at falling to your knees in prayer and surrender. Maybe you are getting better at humbling yourself and apologizing. Maybe it’s getting better at remaining persistent and not falling into laziness or slacking when you are starting to burn out. Whatever it is, you can rejoice in your trial knowing that you are growing, getting better, and being sanctified. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

16.) I am Grateful for this Opportunity to Grow

     Similar to the previous thought, this idea allows you to cultivate a heart of gratitude in the midst of challenges. 

 

     I am not ecstatic about cleaning my toddlers poop off the floor after my 4th attempt to potty train, but I can be grateful for the opportunity to be faced with this new challenge. I can be grateful to grow in patience, and grateful to learn how to potty train. 

 

     We can grow in our hard seasons or when facing new challenges or we can crumble, complain, and become bitter. I’d much rather choose to take what life brings as opportunities for growth than as opportunities to become bitter. It feels much better to be grateful than bitter. 

17.) I am so Good at ___

     We are our own worst critics. We are the very BEST at spotting our failures, imperfections and deficiencies, because we know ourselves more intimately than anyone else. We know our intentions and internal processes. We are aware of all our inadequacies. As a result, we are prone to dwell on the things we are bad at or lack in. 

 

     Rather than focusing on our weaknesses, I think we could do a better job at focusing on our strengths. Often, we can find strengths within our weaknesses! If you are terrible at seeing the big picture, you are probably really great at perfecting small details. If you struggle to rest, even on your days off, you are probably super good at getting a lot done in a short amount of time. If you are terrible at being on time, you might be good at living life in the moment and being absorbed in what is directly in front of you. 

 

     Either way, reminding yourself what you are good at will allow you to appreciate who you are, the strengths you have been given and empower you to walk around with a little more confidence. 

18.) It's Not that Big of a Deal

     Why must we be so serious all the time? Yes, life is serious, but life is also fun and beautiful. When we make everything out to be a big deal, we set ourselves up for a life of stress and failure. Why? Because for something to be a “big deal” implies that it is extremely important and cannot be messed up. The risk is too high for any lightheartedness or enjoyment. 

 

     The more things we make a “big deal”, the more serious and focused we must be into making sure it gets done right. We become less likely to use creative thinking, less likely to laugh, less likely to catch the beauty and look around. 

 

     As I have said before about walking into things with the thought “It’s not that hard.”, we can step into a situation with a level of confidence and clarity that we wouldn’t have before. When something is a big deal, I am put under pressure. When I am under immense pressure, I do not perform as well. Yet, so many things in life (some things that truly aren’t a big deal at all), we self-deem as being a “Big Deal”. We suck the fun out of our own lives , and replace it with unnecessary stress. 

19.) Thank You

     Want to feel better? Start and end with gratefulness. We are so blessed, even in the hardest times. We have air to breathe, clean drinking water, beds and blankets, medicines for sicknesses and healing bodies. We have people who love us and food in our fridge. Our children are thriving and we have the ability to read, write, and think. 

 

     Even if we had NONE of those things, we are still blessed, because Jesus died for our salvation. If the very worst possible things happen to us on this Earth, we still have the Holy Spirit within us. We have salvation. We have Jesus. We are loved by our Creator and saved by Him alone. There is always something to be grateful for. 

 

     Practice being radically grateful. Even say it out loud, “Thank you, God for this coffee and bagel. What a treat.”  Say it at any chance you get, and at everything you see.

 

Thank you, babe, for being a good dad.

 

Thank you, mom, for supporting me when I was struggling postpartum.

 

Thank you, little lady bug for flying back OUT of my house.

 

Thank you, co-worker, for stocking the pens.

 

Thank you, self, for making such delicious food. 

 

Thank you, God for creating nature to be so vast, varied, and awesome. 

 

     Be radically thankful. Everything good, tasteful, loving, pretty, exciting, lovely, convenient, holy, sensual, or practical can be seen as a gift. When you see everyday things as a gift, a delight, you realize how many wonderful people, things and opportunities are around you. Life is truly so beautiful, no matter the season you are currently in. 

 

Thank you, God for that. I needed that one. 

Which One Was Your Favorite?

Let me know in the comments!

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